Should couples live together before marriage

Cohabitation which refers to two people living together and are engaged in a sexual relationship without a matrimonial ceremony is becoming a substitute to marriage for most couples in the 21st century. Couples are cohabiting for various reasons from means to experiment a relationship before tying the knot to it give partners more independence than marriage as it requires less personal commitment.

The decision to cohabit can be done through a verbal or mutual understanding between partners to live together and enjoy each other’s passionate and sexual needs. For a country like South Africa that does not recognise common law marriages, pre-marital and non-marital relationships are causing significant changes in union formation.  Thus, there is need to create awareness on the consequences of cohabitation to help couples understand the dangers associated with such commitments.

According to Premier International Dating and Marriage (2012), cohabitation gives couples a chance to have a glimpse on how marriages work if they ever intend on getting married. This is a tell-tale behind the scenes as Bwalya Mwale calls it as it allows her and her partner Brad Banda gauge the level of their relationship with regards to whether they are well-matched for each other. The two who have been cohabiting for a year and three months state that living together has given them a platform to decide as to whether they would do well living under the same roof and tolerate each other’s behaviours on a daily basis.

Secondly cohabitation gives partners an opportunity to get familiar with each other’s aggravating habits. Bradley supports this point by saying cohabitation gives couples a platform to get comfortable with certain things such as dressing or farting in front of each other. “This is because living together helps you open up and in due time you get used to your partner, the one you want to spend the rest of your life with.” He backs up his point by relating how shy he was to even look at Natasha when they first started dating; he states that every time he looked her, he would get nervous and start sweating. Therefore, living together has helped them understand each other’s feelings and appreciate each other more.

Thirdly cohabitation is the opposite of commitment as it gives partners independence, self-fulfillment and freedom to continue searching for the right partner and job mobility. This is because partners can decide on where to go and work without having to think about what the partner feels or wants because the other partner does not own them. This makes partners free spirits as they can explore the world if they wanted to.

Despite the above mentioned advantages, cohabitation also has its disadvantages. These disadvantages include the idea that cohabitation relationships are usually fragile and are likely to break up more frequently than ordinary marriages. According to Waite, 1999, on average cohabiting relationships last less than two years before breaking up or converting to marriage and less than four per cent of cohabitation last for ten years. Furthermore, the longer a man and woman cohabit the more likely they are to divorce of they got married because they are already used to living together and as a result lose interest in tying the knot.

Partners that cohabit tend to have more health problems than married people because partners have to put up with behaviour that husbands and wives would not tolerate and discourage. Habits such as smoking, alcohol and substance abuse usually lead to depression among couples that are cohabiting because none of the partners have the right to tell the other what to do and not do. Charmaine agrees with this because she has had instances where she and Samson have fought over him drinking and smoking.  Furthermore, couples cohabiting are likely to be unfaithful to their partners than married people.

According to statistics provided by Statistics South Africa a large number of people are living in domestic partnership. The 1996 census discovered that about 1, 268,964 people were living with a partner and in addition to this; the 2001 census estimated that about 2.4 million individuals were living in domestic partnerships therefore doubling the figures of 1996. These statistics show that cohabitation is becoming a trend and a norm for both males and females such that it is becoming a substitute to legal marriage in South Africa.

With regards to cohabitation, couples can sign contracts that secures their futures in case the relationship is terminated or a partner dies. For instance a couple can enter into a Universal partnership which is a partnership, express or tacit agreement that exists between couples that are either heterosexual or of the same sex (lesbian or gay). The couples act as partners in all financial and business traits without a legal marriage binding them together. Therefore in cases where a relationship ends, the court has to give part of the assets obtained during the course of the relationship to both couples. For instance each partner would be given fifty or thirty per cent of the all assets jointly owned.

The above information illustrates the consequences of cohabitation and the continuous trend in the country. It is important for the government to implement the Domestic Partnership Bill of 2008, because the bill will assist and prevent people from having to spend so much money in courts for claims. Additionally the need to educate the public on cohabitation is equally important because in South Africa, many couples’ particularly young couples are engaging in cohabitation without fully understanding the consequences on finances and expenses.



Let haters hate

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we all have to pay attention to social Media

The world is not always as it seems and the truth of the matter is that no matter how good of a person you are, there are people around you who will never appreciate the efforts you make. You might help someone and feel like posting it on Facebook to encourage other people to do the same but your haters on Facebook will criticize your actions.

The Urban dictionary defines a Facebook hater as a person that is always on Facebook and is constantly commenting and liking everybody else’s posts and photos, but refuses to do the same to yours. The hater refuses to like any nice pictures or status you post because they do not simply like you. This is considered a hater both on Facebook and real life.

Haters have two faults in their reasoning called pride and fragility because the haters yearn to be superior above other people both on social media and real life. Bearing this in mind, haters use social mediums such as Facebook, Twitter and even Instagram to hurt other people’s feelings. Thus, through online papers that permit users to post remarks after every article, haters exploit open online venues to post hostile racist remarks.

Furthermore, haters also use video-sharing sites such as YouTube and MySpace Video to advance declaration and sneering material that could disrupt peace and lead to violence. However, you do not have to take everything personal because Facebook has a lot of people that suffer from low self-esteem such that they take pleasure in making other people feel bad.

The comments do hurt, but you can just read them and take them to heart because the chances of those people knowing you are rare.Just smile or reply with a “Lol” and if you feel the comments are too much, simply block the person.

Social media is meant to bring people together, connect with your loved one and learn to live a life you will always live to remember. Let love lead and let the haters hate, after all hating is for immature people. Yes people are entailed to their opinion but not when that opinion ends up hurting another person.


“Blessers” Must Fall

Why are people glorifying the idea about “blessers” and “blessees” when there is nothing fancy about sleeping around for money.  Why are the so called blessers becoming a trend not only on social media but also the media. What is so special that young girls now prefer to have a blesser in their life than a stable relationship founded on love?

Well the answer is simple, blessers are filthy rich men that can provide you with all the material possessions you can ever dream. The blessers can buy you clothes ranging from brands such as Guess, Dior, Versace and Valentino just to mention a few. Furthermore the blessers can also take you overseas for weekend holidays to places like Dubai and Abu Dhabi which are hot destinations. Therefore, when you date a sugar daddy, your life becomes blessed because you now become financially stable.

Looking beautiful is nice but why not work hard for yourself

Although blessers provide financial support and the luxurious life one could possibly dream about quick money comes at a price. Despite the fact the media and social media are promoting this idea, it is important to understand the dangers of having blessers. It is important to educate young girls on the risks of blessers so that blessers fall.

What insurance do you have that you are the only girl your blesser is dating? This is because as long as he has that money, he can go for any other girl he wants and treat her the way he treats you. He can buy the other girl the same iPhone he bought you. Therefore, the chances of contract sexually transmitted diseases such as gonorrhea, syphilis and even AIDS are equally high. So what is the point of selling the body God gave you for Mac make up?

Similarly you could get addicted to your sugar daddy and how he treats such that you end up catching feelings when all he is interested in is using you to satisfy his needs. These blessers clearly know how to keep you captive for their sexual gains. Your blesser will bless you with all the great things money can buy while diverting your education focus. Ladies why not focus on finishing your high school and then getting that degree so that you can yourself the things knowing that you worked hard for them. After all there is no sweet without sweat or finishing right.

It is no lie that HIV/AIDS is a silent killer and you can have it without even knowing it. Play it safe ladies

Additionally it is ungodly to engage in sexual relations outside marriage. So it is wrong to engage in sexual relations outside marriage on the grounds that clearly you are not wedded to the blesser. This is because the blesser confers infidelity whenever he engages in sexual relations with you. This again is against the ethical standards of the Christians. You will end up pregnant and what guarantee will you have that he is interested in marrying you.

Therefore, as a young lady with a whole life ahead of you, you are just squandering your time. This is because your blesser takes your study time, your venture time and even time you could use in finding a potential date who can be your future spouse. What makes you think he can leave his wife if he is married because of you when he can get all he wants by telling you he will buy you the latest BMW?

Lastly most blessers are married and have children, so would conscious be fine knowing that you are the reason his children do not have food to eat because he is spoiling you. Would you be happy if that was your father hurting your mother you’re your siblings?. You should think about such things before you decide to take on a blesser. Learn to have empathy and put yourself in other people’s shoes.

Can we stop glorifying this trend

If he gets a divorce because of you, would you be to live with yourself knowing that other people’s suffering is because of you. The money is good but why not work hard for it yourself and be proud to say you own something because you worked for it.

My fellow ladies, I believe in you because good things come to those that hustle but don’t hustle by selling you body. Hustle with your brain, integrity and honesty.